And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
