How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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