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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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