My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
