The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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