At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
