I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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