You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
