Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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