We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
