I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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