his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
