i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
