my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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