part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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