OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
