Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
