Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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