why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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