i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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