those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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