If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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