Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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