What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
