I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
