but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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