Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
