I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
