Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
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After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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