Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
