I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm really busy with my period
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