I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
