u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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