I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're like the curious george of whores
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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