How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
