I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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