I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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