I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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