i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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