It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
