I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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