don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
