I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
id be glad to
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
