i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
