Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
