if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
