I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
