Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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