just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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