I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
