Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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