How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
