thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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