His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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