So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
