the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Soap is not a condiment
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
