I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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