she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
