I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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