Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
