I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
