If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize