What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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