I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
