A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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