Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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