you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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