fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
