Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
