Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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