My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
